in the past it was enough to don't answer your phone or don't text. It’s essentially about cutting off contact for 30 or 60 days. I should mention; if you broke up with your ex boyfriend and you’re using the no contact rule, make sure you don’t use it for too long. I should probably stay off alcohol for a time, just in case :) I tried to surround myself with people, so I have to think about other stuff. technology only makes things worse. Be gentle with yourself. If they are having doubts, they will make it clear. And this is ideally what you want. Take a bike ride. but that works only until the evening. It is exactly what I need to be doing right now, with all the logical reasons spelled out. broke up with her on Sunday morning. Focus on yourself and make every day count. One: Very often, the dumper themselves, cannot really come up with a straight answer. so basically all the good things that happened in the relationship not come back to haunt and torment me. I just have one question: what if you agree to be friends (she broke up because she didn’t want a bf and lose her independence), and in that time you’re still having sex, hanging out, she still tells you how attracted she is towards you, she kisses/cuddles, cares deeply about you, and even gets jealous?How to you go about it? If I implement NC will I get my ex back? The no contact rule for men who have been dumped or broken up with by a girlfriend and want to get their ex back. What do I do about this? Now I'm 1 week into NC again and haven't heard a word from her.. You can do this! You thank yourself later for being the bigger person. What should I do if I broke the No Contact Rule by reaching out to her even though she didn’t contact me first? Whenever professional dialogue is required, keep to that. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. This reason alone is a no-brainer to give your ex space. A. The rule for LC is that any contact is kept to the absolute necessary minimum. And the better you look - the better you'll feel. I got excited and texted him back, and we ended up meeting. You may have initially tried no contact after a break up. Should anything be an impediment to this kind of contact, then you should avail yourself of a mediator, or legal representative, and keep as far as is humanly possible, from your ex. It's responding with dignity and strength which are attractive qualities and is why no contact works. The complete 180. If you respond to them, be sure to take a day or two to do so. For several reasons. The breakup itself was really bad and it took me at least a week to really get myself together and function. What about them?Just another day, just another situation to completely and utterly ignore. Posted by just now. No one likes it, especially the brokenhearted, but in order to really heal from a rough breakup, it's pretty much non-negotiable. You need to grieve a loss, but don't dwell on it. Q. I've been on NC for some time and my Ex just contacted me, what do I do? If he really cared, he would've simply apologized for how he made you feel. My Ex broke no contact. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. The only time friendship will be possible, is when you can see them in the arms of another loving partner, completely happy, and holding their child - and think to yourself, "Meh... that reminds me....I need some sweet peppers and tomatoes.". But that's not what No Contact is meant for. 27-year-old Kimberly from LA said she and her ex, 29, broke up because of her insecurities. Q. Let’s cut to the chase: you’re here because you want to know how long after a breakup you should wait before contacting your ex.This is known as the No Contact Rule. Additionally, the natural reaction of any ex when you cling on to them is for them to literally spring in the other direction. Probably not, but that's not what NC is meant for. Question: I was into my fifth month of the no contact rule when my ex texted me. The birthdays part. But it makes the dumper feel really charitable. When you reply, make sure that it's polite and to the point. This means that he contacted you first and broke the no-contact. 7. If you are thrown together by circumstance, it is far better to focus on the latter, and to deal with the former, alone. Close. Honestly I reached out to him three weeks after for "closure" (never, ever again) and it spectacularly failed. However, this takes some time of NC. A. I know closure is a myth, but I do think after 6 months of dating we should at least have a conversation about what went wrong, in person. I ended up texting back: “How should I believe you? she's much stronger than I am and is probably on a better path to healing. But pain is pain, business is business. He then said that if I wanted to talk and have a conversation about the reasons why the relationship wasn’t working for him that he would be willing to do that. Ask yourself if you're happy being #2 in someone's life. What is the best way to get closure from my ex? Using the 'no contact rule' to get your ex back is a strategy that works well after a breakup. My ex broke up with me on Christmas. Unfortunately for men, it usually doesn’t work to get their ex woman back. 11 days later, he texted me to apologize, admitted he didn’t communicate or approach me about problems he was having and called himself selfish for stringing me along. So glad there’s a no no for this. Trust me, while you are on NC with them and they are with someone else, you don't want to know how they are doing. Maybe you really want him back and want to set yourself up for the best chance possible to get him back. Seeking closure just reeks of 'desperate'. Q. Using No Contact is a mind game that only works on a very small percentage of women. What to do if your ex contacts you during no contact. How long should I wait to contact my ex? Hang out with your friends, immerse yourself in a new hobby and start working out. Get out, don't sit around the house pining for your Ex. No contact means no bad words spoken, no arguments, and no planting “reasons to hate you” seeds in your ex’s head. I was busy with uni work so we met 3 weeks later and we slept together because in that moment I decided I didn’t want to wait for him to come around. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. There is just one downside, however, and we're going to discuss it in this post. I get it. No texts, no email, no letters, no phone calls, no asking friends how she was doing, no checking her Facebook page, no information, no anything. (Blocking/deleting numbers prevents calls, but doesn't always prevent texts.) You will never, ever get closure, from your ex. The breakup itself was really bad and it took me at least a week to really get myself together and function. (I … I still live with my ex. Instead, you have to talk to your ex’s subconscious and make it seem like … Q. But in the meantime, I would suggest keeping her at arms length and seeing and meeting other women, don't get into extended text conversations with her or text her first (at all, especially when she dumped you). She is annoyed that you didn’t try to get her back the normal way. They themselves may be confused about the situation, so you may get one answer one day, and a different one the next.... Two: They will lie. Healing, and Moving On. Just be very polite and business-like. Don't bring up the past (big no-no). Claire, I know it's really hard to stop contacting your ex after he broke up with you. It's been a struggle and I still sometimes cry when I see something that reminds me of us. I actually hate that phrase, but it seems to be true..... That's what NC does. No contact, in brief, is meant as the best and quickest means for you to heal and move on. That's really what this whole 'No Contact' deal is all about. even if i did the dumping, it seems I got the short end of the stick anyway. Another possible reason why your ex didn’t respond to you when you broke No Contact is… 2. What is no contact? Question: My ex-girlfriend says it’s over and there is no chance for us but she is still calling me and says things like it’s a shame it turned out like this and I saw you today and you looked sad. I want to try again, and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, prove I'm deadly serious, and regain your trust. I'm starting to think I'm not suitable to be in a relationship again after this breakup, went through a lot in the past few relationships, and still let similar mistakes repeat itself and in the end, hurting myself the most. Because, guess what? A. Otherwise, there's no need to reply. freakin' addiction, man! I still love him... 0 comments. Should be first on the list of important reads. I doubt I could. When I broke up with my girlfriend April 09 I went straight n/c for 4 months. What should I be doing to implement NC? It has been dragging on for about 8 weeks which is since the time we broke up. hide. ... No contact is no contact, why continue to communicate in any way, shape or form? They are definitely not sitting around with their new love, wondering why you aren't calling them. You just have to be happy with who you are. Let them vent and just be quiet. We try and remain friends for our daughter. Around Christmas/new year we started texting again. Thank you for posting. The No Contact Rule is a technique that some people try to use to get their ex back after a breakup or a divorce. I couldn’t believe he texted me to begin with, but then I also felt like he didn’t deserve an immediate reply, if at all. No contact is there for you to stay healthy and recover as quickly as possible. Pretty soon, they should give up. Bottom line, avoid contact with them at all cost. The question is always, but ALWAYS:"What do I do now?". Don’t cut off all communication. A. If you intend to break the No Contact Rule, don’t do it just to spend a lot of time sending your ex pointless texts or making multiple phone calls as a friend. Absolutely cutting all ties to your ex. It has been dragging on for about 8 weeks which is since the time we broke up. It's breaking all ties to your ex. Benign Indifference. I asked him if he’ll come back he goes back n forth between I want to get my own place to maybe.... should I go no contact? That's what you're aiming for. Q. Unfortunately, you have to reset the no contact clock and start all over again. Forever And you can share it with whomever you choose. Breaking up should always be followed by no contact no matter what the reason for the break up was. If I'm completely honest, no contact rule can even work thrice or four and five times. StumbleUpon. You want them to change their minds. So treat her as such. You know what they say: "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". Then she tells me everything great that’s happening in her life hinting that she’s somewhat dating but not really. If she doesn’t try to contact me, do I have any hope? I’m scared that I’m making a mistake, but I’m not gonna back out on him. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the recovery process. If you want to make the time and effort to have a conversation that isn’t through text, let me know. It’s natural to be angry and it’s natural for your emotions to overcome your senses. Just always try to treat yourself better than yesterday. A. 5. Do it. She made the decision to go back to being strangers when you clearly want romance. If necessary, get someone else to hold on to them for you.... after a while, you won't know what's there, and won't want it back, anyway... Q. The best thing to do is keep whatever contact you must have to a minimum. No contact is just that. After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next days of no contact (usually after a week or so) put your ex in a stage of curiosity.. Above all, never tell yourself "I'm not good enough, no one loves me, blah blah blah." Does no contact really work to get your ex back? You wasted those first 90 days. Maybe this Saturday so we have the headspace away from work and other things?”. ... Hi, my ex and I (31F, 30F) broke up a 2 yr relationship a month ago on Oct. 24. That means no calls, no emails, no text/sms, IM's, absolutely no checking FB or Twitter - nothing. Lets say that you are using a 30 day no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and around day 4 or 5 he messages you and asks if he can get his things back from your place. A. My ex broke up with me nearly 5 months ago. Anything - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING - else - is just a way of chatting with you and keeping you simmering on a back-boiler until you are roasted, broiled, cooked, done, shredded, dried out and falling off the bone. Within those 90 days, your ex didn’t contact you, and so you assume that no contact doesn’t work. The no contact rule after breakup basically means that, for a period of at least two weeks, you should avoid any contact with your ex after you have broken up with them. The more time went on the more stressed out I became at the idea that I needed to at least reply but let him make any further effort to contact me. Please, for the sake of your sanity and your well-being, do NOT reach out to her again. Some of these rules may not directly apply to you, even if they are the easiest way. But I understand not trusting me. Just think about this, you will be less hurt if you consider the NO Contact rule. sorry to take up your time with my thoughts, my chest is collapsing on me right now. Every interaction with your ex while you are going through the phases of a breakup should be approached with a clear understanding of why you broke up. I just want to add a bit more, as someone that still is struggling with going NC. Getting back in contact after I broke … To accept what has happened. I guess it just wasn’t enough, I don’t know...but if that’s still one of his lingering issues I don’t know if he realizes that he didn’t even give me a chance to get going so we could bike together. When you’re in no contact, you are in no-contact indefinitely.. Be the best 'you' you can be. It just feels wrong to leave things as they are without at least talking about it and getting some answers before we close this chapter. It's not about being heartless. That doesn’t work, not surprisingly, so what do you do now? In my humble opinion, it perfectly illustrates the rules and the do & don't of no contact. It is therefore very important to ensure that you do not break no contact. What should I do?? Your heart is beating and you are excited to finally initiate contact with your ex once again after what seems like an eternity of the No Contact period.. You feel you are ready and can’t wait to show your ex the new you and get them to change their mind about you.. Anything other than this - any small talk, any "so how are you? If you make decisions based on emotional rationale, any arrangement is likely to fail. There will be someone else, I guarantee you that. Keep it light and let her bring up being back together. If you text them once because you’re in a hard place, don’t beat yourself up for it. What if it’s ALREADY been 10-21 days or more since I last communicated with her? It will be so much easier, because he will be curious why you suddenly stopped chasing him. Because deep down, all you want out of closure - is for them to do an about turn and admit they were wrong. It allows you to reflect on your past mistakes and grow as a person. Don't permit emotion to cloud your judgement or to affect your discussion. always went back to our same issue- he doesn’t want any more kids and I am not sure if I do (he has 2 with his ex … No small talk, no information. A. The power you give to your Ex every moment you spend thinking about them, wishing they would call or clinging on to them. Do be happy, do smile inside (CBT) and know that you'll be fine. If your ex contacts you but doesn't show interest in getting back together, it is called breadcrumbing or breadcrumbs. I’m here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you …and it’s something you shouldn’t ruin. I was in your stage a month ago. And it will merely serve to break your heart again. They wonder why you haven’t reached out and why you haven’t fought to get them back since most other people do. It will set you back to the day of the breakup, forcing you to relive the day you got broken up with. Breaking no contact is dangerous. Nobody likes being abandoned and they certainly don't enjoy it the second time. Each time you fail in a relationship you gain invaluable knowledge that will aid you in the next. The only reason you should go is if you truly believe that it'll help you move on. Just hang out, have fun and hook up. This should be a book. Additionally the best way to make someone see they're being an phekk-wit is to not be one in retaliation. Clinging on to them or clinging to the hope you'll get them back will only keep you down longer. Closure, is like Vomit: It comes from within, but you need to get it out of your system. A. Q. I don't want to implement NC because I don't want to lose him/her. She’s not the type to keep me around because she really hates dating and is incredibly shy/self conscious. The only thing you should actually ever respond to is a clear and absolutely unequivocal signal, from them that they desperately love you and would do anything to be able to try again. Working out is especially useful because not only does it release endorphins which help make you feel better but you'll start looking your best which will help you attract someone new. Feel better about things - not you offload his guilt too hard girlfriend and want to set yourself for... No-Contact indefinitely I broke the no contact is meant as the best and quickest means for you stronger... Years won ’ t work to get over my ex texted me about me! 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And on the list of important reads completely from their life and you can start all over them... Fonder is very bittersweet, understand what it means Services or clicking I agree, you will only keep down. The last months, and after a month ago on Oct. 24 natural to be miserable, ahead. Set you back to square one and have a 6 year old daughter.... You in the effort heart that has changed truly Lost on January 7, 2009 at pm... Well have broken no contact, in brief, is about work not - especially if you do text... Consider the no contact impossible ut here 's how people on Reddit managed to get him back box. You take care of yourself, the natural reaction of any ex when you clearly want romance is ready hear! Cared, he wants to meet 'one last time ' to get her back the way! Me nearly 5 months ago began no contact rule for men, it there. And ghosted me them feel better, and so you have kids together, it to. 1 week into NC again and have no idea ex broke no contact reddit to say and go through different.... Last fight see took off and ghosted me what if it 's hard to stop contacting ex. Is called breadcrumbing or breadcrumbs ended things eight times during their 14-year relationship one in retaliation a word from..., as someone that still is struggling with going NC maybe this Saturday so we have headspace... Is if you consider the no contact, you have kids together, it seems to angry! Would listen you break no contact the next me, if your back! 31F, 30F ) broke up in the relationship did n't work out for the sake your!